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Screecher Feature

So it was about the midnight hour last night, and there I was, just in that twilight zone drifting off to sleep, when what should happen but that the CO2 detector in the hallway began to sound off in a most distressing manner. After removing it from the wall, it became evident that what it needed was a battery change. How it made all that noise with a dead battery is beyond the outer limits of even my imagination or known pseudo science! Silencing this persistent alarmist required extreme measures. This was only accomplished by throwing The Screecher at the wall and watching it splinter into countless pieces. Very messy indeed.
Methinks (and me hypothesizes) that there is a sinister side to this electronic nightmare maker and sleep disrupter. (Excuse me for a moment while I adjust my tinfoil hat for better remote viewing reception.) You see, I call it the Al Gore Alarm. (Is that allegorical… or al-gore-rhythmic? Due to lack of sleep I get my grammar terms wrapped up with the mathematical ones. But I digress.) Because it detects CO2 and other threatening gases and is equipped with a secret monitoring device, it records inhaling and exhaling of any human, feline, canine, bovine, or equine energy signature in the house or on the property. (Sundry other unmentionable carbon emissions are also fair game, in case you are wondering. Yes, that’s right, folks. 😲)
Think we can do anything about it? Don’t hold your breath, if you catch my drift.
Because the law will soon require this device on every property – which can be programmed remotely (most likely a secret base on the dark side of the moon) – we shall all soon be subject to a carbon tax for exhaling… and, uh yeah, that other too. There’s no getting around this. Follow the money to learn more about free unlimited emi$$ion control. (Huh?)
And by all means, I almost forgot – please join me one week from tonight when I will be interviewed by George Snorey on the famous tabloid talk show radio program Ghost To Ghost at 3AM. 😂